We’ve got a special treat tonight for you lucky dolfans. Dick Stockton is back, Bob Griese’s first words were “Brian” Tannehill, and Nat Moore is gonna ride the senile wave. If you’re looking for a serious, analytical take on the first preseason game of the season, run far away.
Welcome to The Adventures of Dick & Bob! One man can only take so much senile, so my over/under is a quarter.
– How staged is this picture? Nice job, CBS, but it’s a little too perfect.
– Dick Stockton’s face shows up on the screen and I wish my television is in standard definition. To think the Dolphins had an elite, rising talent under their nose a year ago in Jesse Agler. He’s off calling Padres games (the Dolphins could have promoted him to their radio broadcast a LONG time ago) and now we get the return of Dick and Bob, the kings of unintentional preseason comedy. For that I’m actually thankful because it leads to sentences like “Oliver Newton with the tackle.”
– I’m drinking Knob Creek on the rocks because it has 50 percent alcohol content. It’s no different than getting a flu shot before flu season. It’s all about preventative care when watching this team with these broadcasters…
15:00 — Falcons fans showed up strong.
7:03 — Matt Ryan checks down to Antone Smith, who gains chunk yardage after the catch. Bob Griese proceeds to tell us “that’s the checkdown” and then goes on to explain exactly what a “checkdown” is. The play is called back and the announcers fail to tell us what the penalty is because Dick Stockton and Bob Griese.
6:24 — Nat Moore says “Tony Gonzalez is now retired” but with Moore’s accent, it sounds like rehtard — Tony Gonzalez is now rehtard.
0:45 — A Falcons touchdown and we get a couple gems from Dick. [7-7]
- “You make any contact to the face, it’s a foul. That’s a rule.” — Dick Stockton.
- “Ball placed at the 15, so it’s sort of a 37-yard extra point — or a 33-yard extra point.” — Dick Stockton. (Actually that would be a 32-yard extra point, Dick.)
0:00 — Seth Lobato is in at quarterback for the Dolphins. Who is Seth Lobato? How much longer am I going to last?
13:37 — “So Earl Mitchell holding on the penalty [big pause] and a big break for the Dolphins. They’ll come back on offense when we return.” — Dick Stockton. One problem, Dick. Earl Mitchell PLAYS FOR THE DOLPHINS. Drink.
Time for a “Dick Stockton Twitter Search” sponsored by Oxycontin.
Trying to figure out dick Stockton's math here: "that's an 8 yard loss and now it's 3rd and 6" ???
— Casey (@BaseyCrock) August 9, 2014
"Beautiful night in Atlanta. But we are in a dome. And it's a good thing cause it's thundering and lightning" -Dick Stockton just now.
— Sweep The Leg (@SweepTheLeg337) August 8, 2014
Bob Griese thinks Dick Stockton speaks too fast. Think about that for a second.
— Adam Kuperstein (@AKuperstein) August 8, 2014
Dick Stockton in HD caught me by surprise
— Eric Lauzin (@Lauzin) August 8, 2014
10:43 — And my night is shattered. Dick and Bob caught on to the fact there are “two” Damien Williams on the Dolphins. The running back spells it Damien and the receiver spells it Damian. But they did have this exchange:
Griese: “Joe Philbin says he keeps track of them by saying Damien Williams Running Back and Damien Williams Wide Receiver.”
Stockton: “That’s easy.”
Grise: “Thats the two different ones.”
10:21 — Griese tells us Seth Lobato is “from Northern Colorado, an undrafted free agent” and that “Pat Devlin would be playing, but he’s injured.” Bob must have blacked out ten minutes ago when Dick told us the same exact information. If Dick and Bob called high school girls basketball, I’d watch without hesitation. Magical duo.
10:02 — “We’ve said it before. This is preseason and the officials are throwing these flags to get these guys ready for the regular season.” — Wise words from Bob Griese.
9:27 — “Ja’Wuan James is named after Juwan Howard by the way, the ex-Heat player and now assistant with the Miami Heat.” — Dick Stockton making shit up. Not only can I find no evidence supporting this claim, but they spell their name completely different. When in doubt, bet against preseason Dick Stockton.
5:16 — Dick tells us Knowshon Moreno is coming off the “Physically Unable to Perform” list as I wonder when Dick is going on it.
Nat and Bob arguing:
You should come back next week for Tampa, but I fully understand if you’re all Dick and Bobbed out.