According to 19 sources close to the Indiana Pacers, the team’s recent deterioration is largely due to an awkward sexual incident between former stars Roy Hibbert and Paul George.
“It all started with a groupie named Dixie,” one highly dependable source says. “Roy and Paul were engaging in a threesome with her after the win against Utah on March 2. But they ended up crossing swords, and then there was lots of shouting and crying. The team obviously hasn’t recovered.”
This wasn’t the only sexual snafu involving George in March. Weeks later, there were reports of a gay man catfishing the Pacers’ fallen star. And a month earlier, rumors swirled about George impregnating a Miami stripper. We could refer to 2014 as The Year of Paul George’s Dong.
“It’s just been too much to bare,” an anonymous Pacers player with the same last name as Kanye West tells us. “Paul and Roy won’t even look at each other, let alone pass the ball to one another. They need to man up, though, because this sh-t happens all the time.”
After losing seven of their last ten, the Pacers have relinquished the top seed in the east to the steady Heat. For Indiana to deliver any blows to the two-time defending NBA champions in a potential conference finals rematch, the swords and hostility must be put aside in an effort to reunite as a team.
If not, it’s going to be “fo’, fo’, fo’” for the Heat in the first three rounds of the playoffs en route to a fourth consecutive NBA Finals appearance.
Photo: Willie Stark, Flickr